Saturday, April 30, 2011

A Love Letter to My New Favorite White Spray Paint

  Hey Y'all! I'm still kickin'....just haven't had time to post anything. In fact, at this very minute, I'm supposed to be packing my stuff in an apartment to be moved into a house. Procrastination is the devil, I tell ya! (Ok, so Cadbury orange cream eggs are THE devil, but procrastination is one of his evil minions.)

  So...My go-to white spray paint of choice is always Rustoleum American Accents in Blossum White. It is a satin finish, and I thought we were a couple. Well, the other day, I was in Michaels (which I love, but I prefer to get my spraypaints elsewhere), and out of emergent need, I cheated! I bought a can of Krylon Indoor/Outdoor paint in semi-gloss white. I am in LOVE! Maybe it's partially because it's a semi-gloss and not a satin finish, but I'm in LOVE!  This paint covers better, requires less coats, is less streaky, the nozzle is easier on the fingers, and dries faster!! What's not to love?!! I think I paid $4.49 for a can, but If I hadn't been in a rush, I'd have found and used a coupon.  It has such a lovely finish. I'm in awe of how this fruit topiary turned out! (It was black before, and it only took two coats of paint!!!) Blossum White...sorry it has to be this way, but we are over. Don't bother calling me..

                                            My new love..xoxoxo                                   

                            Formerly black fruit topiary: The recipient of this heavenly paint

  Till next time...Stay Fancy, Y'all!----Jess


Friday, March 25, 2011

Hide your youngin's...The mannequins are comin'

       Those of you that know me best know that I have a slightly morbid side that likes to rear its ugly head every now and again.  So I like to patrol Ebay all along for mannequin parts. You see, my fake arm I got in highschool and almost got arrested for since I hung it out of my '86 Corolla hatchback is getting a little old and gummy. And my leg....well, let's just say I found it decomposing in my closet at my mom's house last month.. Ya know, buying body parts on Ebay is much more sanitary and legal than gravedigging..just sayin'

  Let's get this morbid little party started, shall we?

  Quit staring at me already! With your bedroom eyes.  You are jailbait...and a little scary. No, as a matter of fact, I do not want to touch your androgenous nether regions. Thanks for asking though

This one's already nice and butchered up for you psycho types. You know who you are.

Nice Man: Chiquita, I would love to take you out you a nice pina colada
Chiquita: It's the 80's genie resort ensemble that attracted you so, wasn't it? I'm more a WD-40 drinker myself
Nice Man: Damn...Why do all my dates seem to end up like this?

What? You mean y'all don't like to lounge around all glamourouslike in the nude...on grandaddy's recliner? And what the hell is that next to her?! A bowie knife? A penis cover? Geez

True Story: I once was prescribed Wellbutrin, and had some undesirable side effects. Now I'm sure it's a fine thing for most folks, but not this girl. I had a misfortunate event with a giant imaginary chihuahua charging at my car. A few days after said event, I'm sitting at a Mexican restaurant, and out of nowhere, this mannequin arm appears sticking right out of the wall, y'all. My dining companions were a little concerned...for my sanity....not for the nonexistent arm.   
And y'all thought zombies were the real threat. Zombies are for amateurs. Mannequins are the real threat to humanity. Hide your kids, and good luck.

      Till next time, Stay Fancy! --Jess

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Best. Birth. Control. Ever.

    Hi, Y'all!  Sorry it's been awhile. I just moved to Missouri a few weeks ago, and I'm still settling in and fighting a wicked sinus infection. I figured I'd post about something highly educational today: How to get your man out of the mood. You girls (and some boys, I'm certain) can thank me later..

      So....What do you do when the ol' tried and true "But, I've got a headache" excuse isn't cutting it anymore?

     Your man feeling frisky? Well, not anymore. Alls you gotta do is leave these babies out on the bathroom counter for God and everybody to see. All you have to do to earn these beauties is suffer through a couple of years of orthodontic torture....and bam! Just like that, you are the owner of the best birth control device the world has to offer.
     Bonus points if you go ahead and put them in your mouth for the night.  Can we say, "Game over"?. (I'm not gonna elaborate, you sick pervs)

   What?! you say your man is still in the mood?! Aha...

      Now make sure they are good and displayed on the bathroom counter...

        What? He's still down for action?That demented bastard....OK. Try this...
    This has to be the mood killer trifecta. You're welcome ladies (and some gents).     

                                                                                            Until next time, Stay Fancy!---                                                                                  Jess                                                                                         

Sunday, February 13, 2011

A Lamp Awakening

    See this innocent perfectly fine-looking lamp? Well, I was going to violently murder it a few weeks ago....
   It's just that it was so....brown. I am on a rampage against brown right now. Brown wood, brown couches, brown chairs, brown lamps..
   But then the hubby gave me the green light to paint...

So I dashed out to garage armed a can of Rusteoleum American Accents Blossom White.  Five coats of paint later....

Voila! Much cheerier and more modern


Here's the other one (it's a pair)

    The lampshades are burlap, which I'm loving right now, and were $14.99 apiece at Target. I think Nate Berkus would be proud.....and the lives of a few innocent lamps were spared

Until next time...Stay Fancy, My Friends  --Jess

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Thrifty Treasure Love

    I'm not an overly mushy, romantical,  stuffed critters and sexy lingerie kinda girl....So, in honor of St. Valentine's Day, I'm sharing with y'all something I'm passionate about., cute stuff.  Here are a few of the fruits of last week's treasure-hunting binge:

 Hippie Chic handiwork at it's finest.  I think it's just lovely...wouldn't even paint it (and I slap a coat of paint on everything)

Hand-carved by Robert Ebberson 1977.  Good work, Robert....whoever you are 

Cute little decopaged map frame...freakin' adorable. It looks as if it could be nestled among $89 blouses at Anthropologie

Cute little 70's throw pillow, which acutally goes quite well in my living room. (I've been trying to bring in more color) I have an uncanny radar that can spot a retro fabric across a store

Shabby Chic crystal decanter. 3 bucks! I had been eyeing a few similar ones in an antique store for $30, so I was pleased to find this. I'm gonna use mine for bath salts

So this one isn't technically from a thrift store, but a flea mall and antique store, but I HAD to share it because it's awesome! I paid  $14.99 for this pewter non-tarnish cake stand......the same cake stand I had seen weeks earlier in a high-priced decor store for $59.95. Score!

Happy V Day! May you receive an enormous plus unicorn that takes up your entire bed and totally clashes with your home decor;)

Stay Fancy, My Friends! --Jess

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

What the #%@* is it?

    So....I enjoyed myself some treasure hunting today at a few thrift stores. I'll post about some cool treasures soon, but for now....

What the heck is it?

      It is all rusty and uber old, and for 69 cents, I knew it had to be mine.

   At first, I thought it was some kinda kitchen thingamajigger......or meant to hold a bottle or something. My hubby thinks it's a primitive candle lantern....which makes sense and would be super cool.
    Don't worry....when I sell this sucker at an auction for thousands, I'll remember all you little people out there...

  Any other thoughts as to what this treasure is?

Posting more treasure hunting finds soon!
    Stay Fancy, My Friends!----Jess

Monday, February 7, 2011

Vintage Picture Frame Necklace Board

     Is it jewelry storage....or is it art?
 I don't know about y'all, but I have so many necklaces in my jewelry armoire piled in layers, that I don't even know what I've got. Yeah, that's my excuse for buying more necklaces, and I'm stickin' to it ;)  I've been wanting a place to hang some of my pretty vintage necklaces, and I happened to have this old vintage frame...

     It was kinda pretty as is, but here lately I've been wanting to paint the whole world white....

     I started one one coat of spray primer (found in craft or hardware stores where all the spray paint is). Then, I added probably three coats of Rust-Oleum American Accents Heirloom White....such a nice vintage creamy, white. I let each coat dry about a day before adding the next..

   I chose burlap for my fabric since it's cheap and neutral and I love the rusticity (I love making up words!) of it against the blingy necklaces.
  I simply cut the burlap to fit the inside ledge of the back of the frame and hot glued it, pressing it down with a pencil (in an attempt to unsuccessfully avoid 2nd degree hot glue burns :/ ) I then cut a sheet of corkboard to fit the outer ledge and glued it over the burlap. Sorry, no pics of this... done in preblogging days.  Full Disclosure: The corkboard was thin, so my push pins kinda still go into the wall a little. If anyone knows where to get thick corkboard that doesn't cost $13, let me know!

    I attached this supercute green striped ribbon bought at Heaven, Hobby Lobby with my trusty staple gun. I feel like such a badass with my staple gun...

 I prettied up some simple clear pushpins by hotgluing pearls to them....

  Close-up of shabby and crackly....Just the way I like it

Vintage rhinestones, carnival glass,  celluloid, and aurora borealis rhinestones 

   My favorite necklace....celluloid made to look like ivory...with rhinestones...funky and princessy.

    Here's another easier option for a jewelry board...Heaven Hobby Lobby has these beautiful cork bulletin boards in really pretty frames. Getcha one when they're 50% off (which is every other week) and simply cover it with a pretty fabric. Voila!

   Hope y'all enjoyed it. I am admittingly not a good picture-taker, and I have a plain ol' camera....nothing fancy. I like pictures better with the flash off, which can kinda blur things. Oh get the idea...

   Till next time...Stay Fancy, My Friends! ---Jess