Friday, March 25, 2011

Hide your youngin's...The mannequins are comin'

       Those of you that know me best know that I have a slightly morbid side that likes to rear its ugly head every now and again.  So I like to patrol Ebay all along for mannequin parts. You see, my fake arm I got in highschool and almost got arrested for since I hung it out of my '86 Corolla hatchback is getting a little old and gummy. And my leg....well, let's just say I found it decomposing in my closet at my mom's house last month.. Ya know, buying body parts on Ebay is much more sanitary and legal than gravedigging..just sayin'

  Let's get this morbid little party started, shall we?

  Quit staring at me already! With your bedroom eyes.  You are jailbait...and a little scary. No, as a matter of fact, I do not want to touch your androgenous nether regions. Thanks for asking though

This one's already nice and butchered up for you psycho types. You know who you are.

Nice Man: Chiquita, I would love to take you out you a nice pina colada
Chiquita: It's the 80's genie resort ensemble that attracted you so, wasn't it? I'm more a WD-40 drinker myself
Nice Man: Damn...Why do all my dates seem to end up like this?

What? You mean y'all don't like to lounge around all glamourouslike in the nude...on grandaddy's recliner? And what the hell is that next to her?! A bowie knife? A penis cover? Geez

True Story: I once was prescribed Wellbutrin, and had some undesirable side effects. Now I'm sure it's a fine thing for most folks, but not this girl. I had a misfortunate event with a giant imaginary chihuahua charging at my car. A few days after said event, I'm sitting at a Mexican restaurant, and out of nowhere, this mannequin arm appears sticking right out of the wall, y'all. My dining companions were a little concerned...for my sanity....not for the nonexistent arm.   
And y'all thought zombies were the real threat. Zombies are for amateurs. Mannequins are the real threat to humanity. Hide your kids, and good luck.

      Till next time, Stay Fancy! --Jess


  1. What in the world are you going to do with this stuff???

  2. you are so fabulously weird and wonderful my dear!!! I LOL'd all up over the place!